…riding home after a nut rehearsal last week, the girl tells me with giggles, “momma, pretty much when we’re all backstage, i’m the only one who’s smiling! i can’t stop and everyone else, is just … not…”
i laugh and tell her it’s because she lives in the moment.
“what does that mean?” she asks.
“well, everyone else is thinking about other things when they’re standing there, and your mind is right there with you, when it’s all happening, and you’re enjoying it…”
so, fast forward to her last performance–the one i finally get to see! she comes out, of course smiling, and towards the end of her role, i see her giggling on stage. i wonder what that’s all about, but not for too long, since daughter shares everything with me–even that she secretly ate her dessert before she ate her dinner, lol (i told her, well that’s not much of a secret!) It turns out she was laughing at her friend’s costume, which has a hoop sewn into the hem, and it was bouncing up and down.
i love it. in that moment, the soundtrack to her life was, “boing! boing! boing!!!” LOL! yep, she’s her mama’s daughter…
after scanning the floor of the hot tub room, i go upstairs to find husband. i ask him, “honey? when you’re sitting there in the hot tub, and you get done with your water bottle… do you just throw it overboard?”
my nephew has been acknowledging my existence in the world a lot more these days. he is autistic, dx’ed PDDNOS. i’ve always been on an intuitive level with him–watching, listening, feeling–things he might enjoy for gifts, how things may affect his senses. i’ve gotten aggravated with only a couple family members in the past, who’ve said things particularly like, “it was soooo frustrating [to communicate] with him”. i’ve always replied, “god! how frustrating it must have been for him!” there’s always a pause as the consideration that HE may actually have a perspective sinks in. i believe it… that he doesn’t miss a thing. from my own experience, not being able to talk–to have that connection between feeling and voicing it, because of a certain amount of delay, and especially with trauma stuff on top of it. ha! the first time i took adderall, it was like putting on glasses, as the connections became instantaneous. even arguing with hubby suddenly became more fun! and effective. lol. i found a quote somewhere: “not being able to talk is not the same as having nothing to say”. i have deep feelings about that, as history comes to mind…
anyhow, he’s been coming up to me, patting me on the shoulder and walking away. other times, he comes up with a mischievous grin and says, “tickle, tickle!” and i certainly oblige! haha. he takes my hand and leads me to sit next to him on the computer as he plays his favorite youtube videos repeatedly. one of them is wallace and grommit landing on the cheesy moon. well? i love cartoons, so i don’t tire of it too easily; we both laugh every time. Then he sat next to me at dinner, grinned at me, and waited for his mama to get his plate. he picked up his can of ginger-ale and started taking several very deep swigs. one would think he was enjoying it, until suddenly, he tore his head away to the side yelling, “eeeeYYYUCK!!!” while spraying ginger-ale all over the place. i burst out into a huge belly-laugh as everyone else rushed around him to clean up and tell him the obvious: “hey! buddy! you’re making a big mess.” i couldn’t stop laughing because the irony was killing me. maybe it’s the ADD thing; i often find myself laughing like a dork by myself in crowds, because i’ve noticed some particular nuance that no one else picks up on. and of course the inverse is true as well; where i’m so distracted by everything else environmentally and wind up being the only one not laughing in the crowd. ahhhh to be hyper-aware!
but i needed a laugh like that. a simple thing, but hugely affective.
it’s like he goes to work, gets all constipated, and then takes a big dump when he gets home. leave your shit at work! and what’s up with all the all-nighters?! it’s soooooo not worth it. i wouldn’t mind living in a tent, as long as he was happy.
first she said, “i want to be nocturnal.” so i asked her, “then you want to be a bat again?”
“yes.”
then she said, thinking of the horns she’s been wearing recently, “i think i want to be a baby devil!” so i said, creativity bursting at the seams, “oooh!!! i can make you a flaming binky!!!! won’t that be cool?!”
“…or…. maybe i won’t…” she replies.
… as daughter and i walked home from school, i asked her, “anything interesting happen today?” “ummmm…. what do yo umean?” she replies. “I mean, did anything make you extra happy… or extra curious…?” daughter launches into, “oh!! one thing that made me extra happy was chasing boys! i don’t know why, but i really like chasing boys! (giggle)” laughing on the inside, i asked her, “did you catch any?” “well…. almost!”
i have one of those versa cars with the convenience package–with the bluetooth built in. so hubby and i are driving along to meet mil for dinner, the tunes are on, the wind whipping in through the windows, and our convo turns to his mom. he makes a funny about her, and we both burst out laughing, and immediately it is cut short by mil’s voice hanging in midair from the car’s speakers… “helloooo?” she asks. silence. and as i realize it is her on the phone, i turn to him, hitting his arm with another laugh as he ducks with a grin.
hubby came home from the dentist with a little goody bag–golf balls! i asked him almost incredulously, “your dentist gives goodies to adults?” later as i told dear niece about this, her gaze grew distant with a grin as she dreamed up the shwag she’d want from her dentist: “ok! hand over the plasma tv!” she says.
… my dad bounded down the front steps and stopped on the last stoop, looking at–processing–what he saw growing out of the flower box set just beyond his feet. last spring, daughter and i had each claimed one of the two flower boxes that sits on that stoop, and considered the packets of seeds we brought out with us. myself? zinnias. she? carrots. lol. as the picture came into focus, a low rumbling sound like distant thunder came rolling forth and broke into a louder rhythm of teh-heh’s, bouncing like a rubber super ball–deep and long at first, then subsiding to short quick teh-heh-heh-hehs. i love my dad’s laugh.
and as we’ve been pulling them up, the carrots have been about an inch or two tall. lol.
